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You're Ok Tonight _Song I recently wrote, need feedback please!
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You're Ok Tonight _Song I recently wrote, need feedback please!

 
Kimberly  
Forums Member
#1 | Posted: 23 Feb 2011 21:07
Please leave comments for improvement(: This is a song I wrote a few days ago. I have been writing since I was 11 but I was recently inspired so please read!(: Tempo is about 76 and I think it would go well with just an acoustic guitar.

* Since my song is a duet, if a female is singing, I will put a F at the front of the line, and a M for male. If they are both singing in harmony (the only way I write duets) I will put a H on the line. Enjoy!


1st Lyric:

All Female:

I watched the sunset sink over this rainy town
I don't know what happens now that I'm future bound
I watched you bring me to life through out the years
So I kiss you good night and smile through out my tears

Bridge:
H- I wanna hold on to you
F-no matter what it takes
F- But i know that time can give and it can take
F- I don't wanna lose you


Chorus(All female)

But I'm throwin down this ring
I'm gonna live my life
I hope I didn't break you
But you'll find another one
I'm thowin down this ring
I'm gonna live my life
I hope that you're ok
I hope you're ok tonight

2nd lyric (All male)

I knew I saw somethin' in those pretty eyes
The night that you kissed me and told me you were fine
Though I never imagined you'd go to such extremes
I never imagined that you'd be leavin me


Bridge(same format)
H--- Ohhh (leads to chorus)

Chorus x1 same format

Middle:

H-Time went on, Its been so long, since I've seen your face
H- I wish that I, could go back to my, mistakes
Female only- I never imagined I'd see my own heart break


Chorus x1 still all female

Chorus mix:

F- I threw down my ring
F-I went and lived my life
M- I hope I didn'y break you (F-I broke myself)
M- But I found another one (F-ohhh)

ALl male:

You threw down your ring
You left and lived your life
I hope that you're ok (F-I'm not okay)

H- I hope you're ok tonight


end.


My goal of this song was to write lyrics that really touched emotions. And I also just wanted to write. Please tell me if this reaches emotionally and any improvements you suggest etc.
Thank you!!!
Elijah James  
Forums Member
#2 | Posted: 25 Feb 2011 21:55
I think this is a great Duet piece! I think it's very versatile and can do well as a country song. At least that's what I'm hearing. I hope someone with more experience can offer you the advice your looking for.
Kimberly  
Forums Member
#3 | Posted: 28 Feb 2011 16:53
Elijah James
Thank you! I was kind of thinking country but wasn't sure what others would see the song as, but that just confirms my already thought out idea about it(: thank u!
 
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