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Song Advice

 
Caitlin Duncan  
Forums Member
#1 | Posted: 8 Jul 2011 05:25 | Edited by: Caitlin Duncan
ok well i just wrote this song this morning and i would like some advice before i continue because its not finished.

Only in my dreams
I fall into all your categories
There's nothing I can do
Nothing I can say
Your going to wipe me away

I left my life behind me
Its hard to remember the life I used to lead
It must have been worthless to you
It meant everything to me but you couldn't see

Like a piece of dust blowing in the wind
Not worthy enough for this torture to end
All im in need of is help a friend

chorus
Your always on your guard
Never can escape
It's always worth the fight
I'll get home tonight
Even if its only in my dreams

When you look at me what do you see ?
Is it what I see ?
My crumbling life always lagging behind
Becoming to weak to fight, but I'll get home tonight if only in my dreams
The Concerned Conservative  
Forums Member
#2 | Posted: 8 Jul 2011 18:21
A few things in my opinion:

Structure - I see how you have a chorus but I don't see the real distinction between verses. Are there 2 verses? Also is the last stanza part of the chorus, a verse or a bridge? "Like a piece of dust" is that a pre-chorus or a Bridge?

Rhyming Scheme - You seem to mix it up with a rhyming scheme. This is a tough call to critique because if you sing your lyrics to a Saving Abel style of rock and you could get away with it. Either way rhyming is a personal style kind of thing but with verses multiple verses should have the same rhythm and even rhyming scheme.

Again I don't know how much this is going to help you because music and lyrics are creative and being creative means doing what you want.
Z. Smith  
Forums Member
#3 | Posted: 8 Jul 2011 23:20
I tried to kind of sing it in my head with different tempos and the lyrics didn't fit into place because some phrases were a lot longer than others...(Like I'm the one to critisize!)
But other than that I like it!
Caitlin Duncan  
Forums Member
#4 | Posted: 9 Jul 2011 05:46
yeah if you try to sing it quite slow its jard to tell you without showing you
Elijah James  
Forums Member
#5 | Posted: 9 Jul 2011 10:48
I was listening to Little Wayne's new song 'How to love' when I tried singing your words. I'm guessing its at that tempo. It seemed to work a little with that song. I like it:)
Caitlin Duncan  
Forums Member
#6 | Posted: 9 Jul 2011 11:36
thanks xx
 
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