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Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 125

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 126

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Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

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Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

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Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142
lyric critique
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lyric critique

 
Esther Kim  
Forums Member
#1 | Posted: 18 Jan 2013 00:06
i want you next to me yet you're so far
i need you here with me but you've gone afar
how can i bring you here
how can i bring you to me

i need you here right now
next to me so i wont cry
but you wont listen to me why
i need you here with me forever
Matthew Hickman Male  
Forums Member
#2 | Posted: 18 Jan 2013 14:51
So you want us to criticize your lyrics? - That's the impression I am getting by the title of this thread.

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Shea Dutcher  
Forums Member
#3 | Posted: 19 Jan 2013 12:27
Too much repetition rhyme more (:
Thomas Walker  
Forums Member
#4 | Posted: 22 Jan 2013 04:54
Im sitting in bed as i type this, but give it some more rhyming perhaos. This just came off the top of my head, but perhaps something like....

i want you next to me yet you're so far
i need you here with me my shining star
how can i bring you here
Ill never find a way i fear
 
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