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Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

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Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

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Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

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hey guys, what do you think about this song im busy writing?
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Songwriting Collaboration Request SongWriting Fever Forums / Songwriting Collaboration Request /

hey guys, what do you think about this song im busy writing?

 
Danica De Jongh  
Forums Member
#1 | Posted: 26 Aug 2014 10:21
hi, i just want your opinion on a chorus that i've written so far, im not requesting anyone to help with the lyrics, just opinions. Thanks

You looked so perfect that day,
and you pulled me in once more,
i thought that i put out that flame,
and i thought that i shut that door,
You were the first thing i saw
and the last thing i thought of
that day,
the only other thing there
was my nervous beating heart
that day...


This song is basically about being the first time alone with my secret crush this one day, just hanging out with and talking to him was so awesome, and he just looked even more perfect than he usually does... Anyway, is it good?
Rebecca  
Forums Member
#2 | Posted: 28 Aug 2014 07:21
Its a pretty good start and has a good scope to go on. So please continue and soon post the whole song
dazza  
Forums Member
#3 | Posted: 30 Aug 2014 09:47
do you mind sending me the whole song as i could polish this up basic adding more improved words not saying yours aint good but ive seen a few spaces i could fill with a bit more creativeness
Emma Felton  
Forums Member
#4 | Posted: 30 Aug 2014 14:32
Love this!
Danica De Jongh  
Forums Member
#5 | Posted: 30 Aug 2014 21:30
Rebecca
thanks so much!
Danica De Jongh  
Forums Member
#6 | Posted: 30 Aug 2014 21:34
dazza
im still working on it, thanks for offering ur so kind but i've decided to have fun with the lyrics, like im not really gonna care about it being good or bad i just wanna write it to remember that day, cause i dont like the beat of it either... But thanks so much!
i might just try and turn it into a poem instead...
dazza  
Forums Member
#7 | Posted: 31 Aug 2014 00:30
o cool no worries
Danica De Jongh  
Forums Member
#8 | Posted: 3 Sep 2014 04:32
hi guys, i've finished a 1st and a 2nd verse, i hope u all like it and it's all about that day i spent alone hanging out with my secret crush who i thought i got over... Enjoy!

(chorus)
Danica De Jongh:
You looked so perfect that day,
and you pulled me in once more,
i thought that i put out that flame,
and i thought that i shut that door,
You were the first thing i saw
and the last thing i thought of
that day,
the only other thing there
was my nervous beating heart
that day...

(verse 1)
You put the music so loud,
it felt like the beat took over,
we were talking bout how,
we like the words to express deep emotion.
You were driving me crazy,
in all the best of ways,
with the sun shining so freely,
and my heart beat in such a race.

(chorus)

(verse 2)
We were talking about,
why my back was sore,
and you said straight up out loud,
it might have been when i fell of my skateboard.
Just to see that smile on your face,
i would give anything,
eventhough you opened that gate,
i think i purposely left an opening.

...

It's a working progress, i still have to make up another part seeing that im turning it into a poem instead of a song but i typed it that way so that it's easier to see what i might roughly do to it...
 
Songwriting Collaboration Request SongWriting Fever Forums / Songwriting Collaboration Request / hey guys, what do you think about this song im busy writing? Top
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