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Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: strtotime() [function.strtotime]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 136

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142

Warning: date() [function.date]: It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'America/Los_Angeles' for 'PDT/-7.0/DST' instead in /home/songwr5/public_html/forum/bb_functions.php on line 142
I am new here, looking to have my first song criticized and hoping to get some advices.
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Introduce Yourself SongWriting Fever Forums / Introduce Yourself /

I am new here, looking to have my first song criticized and hoping to get some advices.

 
Nhon H. Tran  
Forums Member
#1 | Posted: 9 Oct 2010 17:30 | Edited by: Nhon H. Tran
Hello everyone,

My name is Chris Tran, just starting to write songs in my spare time. I just finish my first song and hoping to get advices.

Thank you.

Soo~Me  
Forums Member
#2 | Posted: 10 Oct 2010 06:07
Hello Nhon:D
I heard your song & that's a great start!
the lyrics are nice & the melody is too...keep it up
was wondering ..do you come up with the music first or the lyrics?

i just think that if the chorus had a different melody than the verses that would've been better, instead of having the whole song on one rhythm.
but other than that, keep it up & looking forward to hearing more of your songs:D
Nhon H. Tran  
Forums Member
#3 | Posted: 10 Oct 2010 20:52
@Soo~Me: Thank you for your comment. Without any guide on where to start, I was playing chords on the guitar and came up with the melody and lyrics together with each sentence for the first verse. Then wrote the rest of the lyrics. I think that's why the chorus has almost the same melody as the verses.

I finished it in one night then created the beat on my computer. I will try to rewrite the chorus as you suggest. Thank you. Chris.
Nhon H. Tran  
Forums Member
#4 | Posted: 11 Oct 2010 00:51 | Edited by: Nhon H. Tran
To all,

I want to share something that make it easier for me when writing my own lyrics for the first song.

I practice putting words together by translating song's lyrics from my primary language (Vietnamese) into English lyrics. I tried to be as accurated as possible, at the same time, created the English lyrics sound like they were originally written in English.

This is one of my work. I gave the copyright to the author. He liked it so much that he emailed me and said he listened to it every night. And even though, the melody, the meaning of the song was his, to him, it's like hearing a different song.

Enjoy the song and please let me know what you think. The meanịng of the lyrics is the same in English, sentence by sentence. Chris.

Soo~Me  
Forums Member
#5 | Posted: 11 Oct 2010 14:33
nice idea!
& the outcome is great too!
sometimes songs have really special meaning that you'd like to share with others in a language that we can all understand...good effort:D
Nhon H. Tran  
Forums Member
#6 | Posted: 12 Oct 2010 03:05
@Soo~Me: Thank you. I just finish the second song and I think I've done the same thing again with the chorus part as you've pointed out.

I am working on making the change, but so far, I've found that it's much harder to change the melody afterwards.

Next time, I'll try to write the melody first then the lyrics instead of:
Chords arrangement -> Melody & Lyrics at the same time. Chris.
Ameirah Female  
Forums Member
#7 | Posted: 12 Oct 2010 08:27
Ohh thanks for giving us a glimpse into the Vietnamese culture!

Im curious is this a famous pop song? or is it an old classic? either way, the fact that the original singer actually likes your version is very cool

__________________
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Who said I can't bake my cake and eat it too? www.theseriouseater.com
Nhon H. Tran  
Forums Member
#8 | Posted: 12 Oct 2010 09:29
Hi Ameirah.

Thank you. This is a popular pop song performed by my favorite singer (Phuong Thanh). She is one of the top performer in Viet Nam.

This is the video of her singing the song.
 
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